- Lora Mathis (via sicksex)
that sounds like responsibility and i want no part in it
- Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You (via larmoyante)
The first time you told me that you wanted to kill yourself, I should have called your mother instead of letting you think you could rely on something as shifty and indifferent as me. I shouldn’t have written you poetry. I should have cradled the phone like a newborn and driven all the way to Texas, shown up on the doorstep in that indiscriminate heat just to open my arms to you.
It’s just that I am selfish and gas is expensive and it’s hard to tell the difference between wanting to die and just wanting to sink for a while. It’s just that I knew a boy once who only said those words to me when he wanted my undivided attention and my legs spread in the back of his car. It’s just that I thought it was one thing to want to die and another thing to pick up kitchen knives.
When you showed me that it was the same thing, I went through an entire season of not even wanting to stand near cutting boards because of the steady chop chop chop. Because of the slice. Removing the skin. Cutting out the bad bits. It’s like watching someone yanking out weeds from the root when you have dandelion veins.
I had a dream a few weeks ago of throwing all of the sharp objects in your house onto the roof. I had a dream about burying them in the backyard so you couldn’t lay out treasure maps on your skin anymore. I had a dream about driving all the way to Texas just to end up crying in your mother’s lap.
I’m sorry it took me so long to understand. And I am sorry that I ended up understanding too well. I am still selfish and gas prices are still high and now I spend too much time having to wrap my arms around myself to ever let go long enough to hold someone else together.
I should have called your mother. I should have called your mother. I should have called your mother."
- "For Selene Who Is Not Dead But Wanted To Be" Trista Mateer (via tristamateer)
- anne, if time was measured on your body, I loved you between your wrist and the middle of your palm. Life’s gone on but you still have the same eyes, you still have the same smile.
the sign said no trespassing but no one owns mother nature.
To the boy who said I should be more ladylike:
I will not cross my legs or twirl my hair
around my finger because it makes
I will not bat my eyelashes at you
when you hold the door open for me
and I will not bat my eyelashes at you
when you don’t.
I will not wait for your text messages every night
as if I need your written validation
for my existence.
I will not sit back and laugh at jokes that I
don’t find funny because I can make a room
roar with laughter in seconds flat.
To the boy who said I’m “smart for a girl”:
I will not stop reading book after book
until I’m sure my knowledge can wipe you
off your feet.
I will not feel guilty when I correct your grammar
or point out when you have misspoken.
I will not bow down to you because your father
is a successful businessman and I will not
let you leave until you hear about my mother
who is a profound bio-chemist.
I will not stop using words that confuse you
and I will not stop discussing politics or
the woes of capitalism because my female opinions
make you ‘uncomfortable’.
To the boy who said he hated my body:
I will not spend extra hours at the gym
to keep you from seeing my thighs jiggle
and I will not eat food fit for birds
to ensure you can fit your hand between my thighs.
I will not stop wearing that skin tight dress that
makes my ass look out of this world and I
certainly will not break your gaze when
you evaluate my worth.
I will not stop applying winged eyeliner or bright
red lipstick because I’m not here to look
like your man-made masterpiece.
I will not be a product of your temptation.
To the boy who sees me as an equal:
I will not praise you as if you are a rare species
nor will I boast that you are one of a kind.
I will not drunkenly utter that “I’ve finally got one!”
to my girlfriends over wine
because a boy with a level head shouldn’t be
impossible to find.
I will not pin you up next to my trophies
or diplomas as if you are some sort of accomplishment.
I will not degrade you to what we have been degraded
to all along.
I will defend the girls who are told they are not ladylike
I will protect the girls who are told they are too smart
I will support the girls who are told they should fix their bodies
I will fight for the girls who you tell are not good enough
and I will praise the girls who simply do not care.
Equality is a right, not a rarity."